Most people, when they feel sad or are lost, might delve into their spirituality and then get stuck because they’re not balancing spirituality with their human self. The problem for others is that they focus only on being human and get stuck because they forget to rely on their spirituality for assistance and guidance. Finding that balance between being 100% spirit and totally in this world makes life magical. Throughout the years, I have found myself on both sides of the fence. Obviously, finding that balance is key.
Since my arrival in Florida two months ago, I am slowly easing into a life in which I am taking care of myself. I had spent over 20 years taking care of other people at the expense of myself. Twenty years—that’s a lot of time of old ways to un-do. It’s hard for me to look at this time as a medical leave that my siblings prescribed and ordered, not to mention Archangel Michael. (I will elaborate more on that at a later date.)
Without having the focus of my son and my ex-husband, and the toxic residue from all the hurtful experiences that closed my heart, I feel I am finally getting a chance to heal so my heart can open again. Holding the courage to exit from scenes that were creating new trauma helped me learn how communicating non-violently toward myself (OCD) and those I left behind is an important part of my healing. Recovering hidden parts of self is helping build healthy independence.
I am fully aware of the preciousness of life, especially after nearly losing mine in April 2014. It’s a Phoenix–rising–from–the–ashes type of feeling. I appreciate the magic of being aware and the magic of being alive.
Long ago, I had a shamanic journey in which I was accompanied by Big Cat, a beautiful female mountain lion that came forward, and whom I later envisioned to take me to the spirit world and back again. What better animal to come to me than an animal that can see in the dark with perfect timing to pounce? I have always been a lover of animals, so the experience opened me up to Native American symbolism, reinforcing the idea that animals that cross my path in my physical world just might be messages from the Divine.
A case in point:
A few weeks ago, I walked out to my car and felt annoyed that bird droppings covered my side mirror and door. I scraped them off with the soft part of my key chain and went about my day. The next morning, my car had been targeted again, only this time, the other side was plastered with bird doo–doo, too.
My brother-in-law, Clint, told me that the plain brown bird I had described was probably a mockingbird, protecting her nest or territory. He hunts dove and alligator without a second thought. It was no surprise Clint’s remedy would be a pistol.
This conversation reminded me of Miss Maudie in To Kill a Mockingbird, when she explains, “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”
Presley Love states, “In the movie, the mockingbird symbolizes innocence, and the loss of innocence. In our hearts we always long for a return to our innocence, because our true innocence is who we really are.”
After I was sexually assaulted on a Friday over 4 1/2 years ago, and BOOM had filed divorce papers by the following Monday, I held the belief that justice would prevail in the criminal and divorce system. I transformed from being a protected stay–at–home mother to being an individual who saw the good and evil in someone I once loved and a very flawed criminal and judicial system reflected in the crime and divorce. This later fostered, anger, resentment, and hatred for not dishing out the consequences that I deemed appropriate. Learning how cruel and unjust the world can be was vital in helping me to become stronger as an individual in the world. On the flip side, I was given a second chance at life.
In putting up boundaries, and protecting my new home from people and situations in my past until I healed, wasn’t I doing the same thing this bird was doing? I was relieved to hear my brother–in-law say, “I’m just kidding, Amelie. I’m not going to suggest that I kill the mockingbird, but for you to move your car across the parking lot.” As he pointed to the bush in between the condo building and the parking lot where my car was parked, he said, “The nest is probably somewhere in the bush.”
Fittingly, I will end this piece with an excerpt from an essay by Ina Woolcott: “The mockingbird helps you to leave people and events that hurt you behind by seeing who and what they REALLY are. Everything in life is a lesson to help you grow, and even if you were hurt, this is but another lesson to learn and grow. Everything that happened to us in the past builds our character and who we are today. You will hear the true song of others and will follow your own path. Take what you can from a situation, but always in a respectful and un-spiteful way. What goes around comes around. We are all here to learn from each other. Apply your creative imagination and intuition to all you do, and you will live a life of harmony. On a subtle level, the mockingbird shows us how to imitate ourselves; what we imitate reflects back to us and helps us see who we truly are. This can be a powerful transformational experience.
“The fearless mockingbirds defend their nests and territory, diving at and attacking predators and those who come too close. They teach us to develop self-confidence, to speak our truth and stand up for what is ours by right.”